There is no easy way

Dear Romeo, my deepest love

You are an ocean to me. An ocean filled with all the love in my heart, all the chambers of my soul, all of my thoughts, all of my words, all of my dreams, all of my breaths. You are everything to me. In fact, you are as well many of my sufferings, the grand part of my fears, all of my insecurity, all of the darkness in my soul.

My dear love. You are my everything. And I can't be on hold anymore.

I have fought a lifetime, I feel, to get to the place where the two of us are one. I can't see us coming any closer to that, as hard as I try. I have hoped and I have dreamed, I have been optimistic, wishful, anticipating. But we just don't arrive. My love. You are the love of my life and I am ready to risk the losing of you, of feeling alone for the days that will build up the rest of my life.

It will kill me, I know. Just the thought of even saying it aloud tears me apart. I can feel it ripping in my chest, the notion of not having you.

I will forever love you. But please know that I am no longer in wait. I might be alone for the rest of my days, but at least I will not be alone and awaiting the release of someone else.

When you are ready, I might still be here for you. To love you, to hold you, to build up and live the dream of a life together, a family, a home where our two souls can get tangled in love, in joy, in respect.

I will always love you, you know that, but there might also be a chance that when you're ready, I won't be here anymore. Then you will need to find your content in the certainty of being loved by me, but not sharing a life, a family, a home.

My dearest love. I too thought we would be. I cannot bare to say even at this point, that we won't. Isn't is strange how saying a thing aloud could jeopardize the outcome? I will, however, say it today. I am no longer on hold for you, for your life's path to cross mine. If it at some point will, we will find even more joy in that and say "it was clearly meant to be".

My dearest love. I am sorry. I am still here for you, as I know you will for me.

J