I saw you with her and my heart stopped

My dear Romeo, my love

I must admit, I saw you with HER two weeks ago, and my heart stopped. I do not know yet if it has started to take up its pace again, but I feel it still is not beating.

I know she doesn't change your love for me, but still - seeing her with you, holding your hand like I wanted to, seeing her looking at you like I would, seeing you turn to her and smile...Oh my dearest, dearest love, I do not know if I can do this anymore. I feel I will never be able to wash away that sight from my eyes. I close them and she's there, touching you, I open them and she's there, looking at you with love.

The truth is, she loves you. And the truth is, I'm not sure my love would be anything different. The truth is, our distance, the sometimes weeks lasting silence between us, the ache in my chest from missing you, the terrifying moments at night when I feel so alone, just because you are not in my arms, the clouds that cover the sun, the minutes that are longer and longer in await of hearing from you, seeing you, touching you again - all of those and the darkness that now spreads within my heart has a face. It's hers.

I love you forever, but for now, with pain.

XXXXX J